More than once I have heard the definition of “a real gentleman” pronounced by random people towards a smartly dressed man passing by. I agree that a classy and a polished look is an important skill for a gentleman, but far from being the only one, and certainly not the determining one. We never wonder to call a circus gymnast a yogi, only because he, like a wise sadhu, has a habit of folding in half.
So, what does it mean to be a gentleman? What is hidden behind this honorary title in our increasingly less formalized and fleeting world? I will not undertake the responsibility to give a complete and exhaustive definition, but I am ready to give some characteristics and traits that should be possessed in order to be called rightfully a gentleman. Here are just ten hard truths. And this is not a complete list, which I will supplement from time to time, so as not to discourage you immediately from your commendable desire to go this way to the end.
Conscious Choice
A gentleman always knows exactly what he wants to get out of life and achieves this thanks to his own dedication and mind. You shouldn’t believe the incredible promises of coaches and sellers of happiness, and childishly rejoice at the unexpected bonus that fell on you in the form of a unique Chinese electric fly swatter, which you got for free in addition to the set of winter fishing rods purchased on a promotional basis.
Everything that is kept in a gentleman’s home bar or garage, as well as that beautiful and reliable pen by which this text is written – all this is carefully and deliberately selected by a gentleman himself and purchased for long and happy use.
A Gentleman Always Opens a Door to a Woman and Gives Up His Seat to Her
For a gentleman, this is primarily a manifestation of politeness and a tribute to good manners, which are less and less common in the modern world, but, of course, require preservation. In addition, some ladies began to perceive this gentlemental gesture as an attack on their own dignity. I should warn you: if a girl is offended by such an impulse from a gentleman, it means that you have not met a lady on your life path. And realizing her misfortune, we ought to be easy on her and just apologize. In any case, an unintentional insult by nobility is better than an insult by ignorance.
Coat as a Symbol of Care
A gentleman has no doubt that the coat is intended for his own comfort in cool weather only until the moment when a fairly lightly dressed lady is near to him.
Her frivolous act to dress not for the weather, of course, has been dictated by the desire to make an indelible impression on you, and you should fully appreciate her self-sacrifice and come to the rescue in time.
Your coat, carefully draped over her shoulders, will keep her from a possible cold and thus will not allow you to push your next date too far. In addition, it is also a very powerful test of whether you yourself are ready for the next date, bearing in mind that such a test could be repeated.
A Confident Look and a Firm Handshake
Eyes are the mirror of the soul of any person. If your thoughts coincide with your words, you do not need to modestly look away, as if you were possessed by a young and inexperienced person.
Of course, I do not mean shameless gazing at all the ladies in a row sitting at adjacent tables in a cafe or throwing lightning from your eyes at their companions. But, if you have already decided to enter into a conversation or, on the contrary, are determined to maintain a conversation with a stranger who has addressed you, then your open and confident look is the best business card.
The same is with your handshake. Without a doubt, it is necessary to measure the strength of this gesture depending on who is in front of you: a man or a woman. But in either case, your palm should not give the impression of a sadly hanging flag in calm weather. However, it is also not worth showing excessive emotionality, shaking and not releasing the interlocutor’s hand, as if you want to keep it for yourself. The owner of the hand is unlikely to enjoy this desire.
A Gentleman Does Not Demonstrate Greed
Being as attentive and polite as possible, and also generous in relation to ladies, is an essential quality of a gentleman. And while some people may find me conservative and somewhat old-fashioned, I insist that the phrase “Let me pay” is one of the most important phrases in your gentlemental vocabulary.
Of course, there are cases when your noble impulse may seem inappropriate to others. For example, you should not ask to bring you a bill at your best friend’s wedding or family party where you were invited as a guest. But in cases of a romantic date or meeting of friends, this gesture has not yet lost its knightly brilliance.
Everybody Dance!
This skill may be useful to you in life not so often, but at the moment of romantic acquaintance or, on the contrary, already during the celebration of the anniversary of your happy marriage, the ability to express all your feelings in dance turns out to be essential.
And I do not mean at all your ability to perform the lively Futterwacken or reproduce the “moonwalk” of Michael Jackson, but I mean only that degree of skill when a man confidently leads his woman in a dance and at the same time does not step on her feet.
A Gentleman is a Gentleman in the Kitchen
Someone will say that slaving over a hot stove is not a man’s business, and will be completely wrong.
The truth is that cooking, as well as gardening or collecting, is absolutely gentlemental. Of course, in the age of mobile technologies, when almost any even the most exotic dish, with the help of simple manipulations in a smartphone, will be delivered to your home, your culinary abilities may seem archaic. But, if you really want to win the heart of a lady or surprise your friends with the versatility of your own talents, then the skill of cooking at least of one single dish is simply necessary for you.
And by the way, the Book of Tasty and Healthy Food of 1954 occupies one of the most honourable places in my home library.
A Gentleman Rushes to Rescue
A gentleman knows that regular exercising in the gym or morning exercising is not just meant to impress others with his physical form.
And if he meets a person who finds it difficult to cope with the luggage, he immediately offers him or her his help. It is important to note that this desire arises in a gentleman not only when he sees a young and pretty person, but also before all other persons, including a neighbor with whom he has not agreed recently.
A Gentleman Says What He Thinks and Thinks What He Says
“It is easy and pleasant to tell the truth” … This phrase quite exhaustively reflected the personality of one of the characters of Mikhail Bulgakov in the book “The Master and Margarita”.
Without going too deep into literary subtleties, I should declare with all responsibility that this rule is one of the most important for a gentleman, perhaps even more important than the ability to light a cigar properly or fix a bow tie.
You should not hide your opinion behind ambiguity and understatement. Even if it concerns a new, unsuccessfully matched hair color of your beloved. Of course, I do not mean rudeness or insensitivity, but you should know that tactful honesty is always better than a lie.
A Gentleman Always Looks Like a Gentleman
Regardless of the occasion, place and time of day, a gentleman should always look perfectly. Whatever “test” life throws you, be it meeting with friends or parting with your darling, a hunting trip or important negotiations, a walk in the park or a visit to a theater, attending a wedding or funeral, getting ready for bed or waking up late; in any of these situations, you should look as if this is the most responsible and solemn moment in your life, which will certainly take its place in your family photo album. And if things that are unworthy to be imprinted for posterity somehow got into your wardrobe, get rid of them decisively and irrevocably!
P.S.
Now you have read a short list of the main qualities of a gentleman. As I warned at the beginning of the article, this is just a minimal set of basic rules that I have to supplement from time to time in order to familiarize fully the respected reader with the art of being a gentleman.
And if at least half of the above has not caused you a feeling of persistent rejection, then we have every chance to go this way to the end.